A Glance

Do you ever just look in the mirror, and truly look at yourself? Look into your own eyes, trying to pierce through and see the soul that lies within? It surprises me sometimes, to see the life behind those eyes, and know that it's mine. We spend so much time looking through the window of our bodies that to stop and see the being that we are can be almost a revelation.

I wonder, as I look into those blue eyes, what secrets lie beneath. What deep potential lies dormant there, waiting just beneath my fingertips? What eternities of wisdom are held within that hidden soul? What love rests deep within, for beings I do not know?

I think we are too often in the habit of degrading ourselves, of making ourselves into fallen and broken people. In an effort to bring attention to what maintenance we need, we end up declaring the whole thing a mess. What's worse, we begin to believe it.

But just a few moments before a mirror, peering into the eyes we look out of so much, and we feel the inklings of the reality of who we are. We find there a being of grace and light. A spirit of passion and goodness. Something within the eye shimmers, hinting at the fullness of glory clothed by our flesh.

I believe in the reality of the spirit. One half of the whole we claim as "I". I believe that it has existed for ages, and that this short existence is but a continuation. What things have these eyes seen? What hearts has it loved? How many long and wondering conversations have I had with people I counted close to me? To think of such things expands the limits of my own abilities to think, to learn, to teach, and to love.

As I look into those eyes, I can see the other direction as well. I wonder what these eyes will hold in five, ten, or fifty years. What things will they have seen? What tears of joy and sorrow will have fallen from them? What will I know then that I don't know now? What will I be?

In the short couple of decades that I've been here it has become evident that the circumstance that constitutes "my world" is not a permanent one. My world right now is college, my boyfriend, dealing with coming out, and working to maintain my relationship with my faith and my family. But it is a temporary world. As are they all.

So what will tomorrow's be?

I know that one day this will all be a long distant dream. Faces and names will fade with time. Passions will cool, while others are ignited. Desires come and go. And work and success mold the future with each passing day. Time is an ever changing mistress. You cannot tame her. You are at her mercy, and can only work out the details.

Such trains of thought bring new understanding of the value of a life. Eternity is held within the eyes of every person. And if you look closely, you can find God in every face. Each day more stories are lived than could ever be written. And each story interweaves with the next. We are connected inseparably to the future and the past. Our life is but a small thread in the master tapestry. Just a blink. A glance. But every glance holds another infinity.

Under Construction

So, this isn't quite what I want it to be yet, but I'm working on getting this thing into a classier version of its former self.

As for the change of title and topic, I wanted to make it into something that I would use more, something that I could use to post my thoughts about anything, any time. So it's going to be about seeing life through different eyes.

I take the title from something I wrote about a year ago.

Beneath the surface lies a world so few see,

A world that most do not understand,

neither do they try.

A world of love and passion,

Of heartbreak and woe,

A world of shadows straining to find

who they are and where they belong.

I have found this world,

because I am a part of it.

Part of the shadow that flees the sun 

for a refuge of safety and peace.

I know the restraint of hiding from the day,

of seeking a place of solitude where my heart can find its home.

I know the chains of living one life by day,

and another by night.

I know the yearning of the shadow for love.

Need that the day cannot understand.

I know the fire of infant love as it courses through me,

reaching at last my aching heart.

I know the beauty of meeting the morn

with the eyes of glory looking into mine.

Though I am shadow,

I know the perfection of a completed heart.

I know its scarcity;

I know its grace;

I know its worth.

So how unlike the day can I truly be?

How different am I,

Though I walk in night to guard my heart?

My love is as yours.

My heart beats for peace,

As yours.

I am the shadow

But I am not the dark.

My soul is light.

My heart is love.

And my hand is strength.

Though I must hide from the day,

I will not fall.

I will not lose faith in the strength of human will.

Though I live in night,

I will believe.

I will live strong.

And when the world of shadow is finally ready to meet the day,

And when the day has found love and compassion for the shadow,

I will be there,

Unafraid,

Unashamed,

Undefeated.