I realize that it's incredibly late, and that this will make the fourth post in two days, but I really wanted to get my thoughts down before I went to bed.
Tonight I went to my first MoHo party. And I have to admit, as I drove there I was pretty anxious. I had never met anyone there in person. I had talked to a few through blogs, but that was it. But I had a good feeling that I could trust these people and I decided to give it a shot.
Right as I walked in I was welcomed and brought into a conversation. No one left me on the side to figure things out on my own. People smiled, introduced themselves, and asked questions about me, trying to get to know me better. (I'm still trying to figure out how Rob knew who I was, despite my alias!) While I walked in feeling nervous and reserved, in just a few minutes I felt completely comfortable. At one point I even had a small group listening to my own life story. It meant a lot to know that these people were interested in me and what I had to say, and it made me feel like part of the group that much faster. So to all of you, thanks. :)
Even though this is not the first occasion that I've spent time with other gay people, I found myself marveling at one point at how completely comfortable I was in that situation, and how topics that I'm normally accustomed to hiding from other people felt normal and acceptable. It was like taking a breath of fresh air after being underwater for a long time.
It also made me realize how much I can't wait to get out of Provo. Haha!
I loved the general goodness in everyone that was there. Everyone at the party was at a different point regarding their relationship with the church. But each of us is trying to be a good person, and to maintain a relationship with God. I was very touched when one man told me as he said goodbye "When it comes to the church, don't worry too much about it. What really matters is your relationship with the Savior." Amen.
Over all it was a wonderful night. I got to eat great food (whoever made the quiche is my idol!), discuss things that are important to me, and laugh with a great group of people.
Just as a last thought, it occurred to me as I drove home how absolutely refreshed I felt. How emotionally healthy I felt. I was able to be in a safe situation with people who accepted and liked me. It was so cleansing.
So to any of you who are struggling with your sexuality and don't know what to do about it, the first thing I would suggest is to find someone who accepts you completely, and talk about it. It will save your sanity. Tonight certainly helped mine!
Happy 2011 everyone!!!