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Sunday, January 2, 2011

Into the West: A Response From a Baby Blogger

As of late there has been a substantial number of bloggers who have commented on the changing nature of the MoHo blog world. Such posts are BLB's here where he explains the evolution of bloggers over the last few years, Scott's here where he expresses his own growing divide from the situation of the newer bloggers, and David's here where he responds to Scott's post.

Seeing as I am a relatively new blogger in the MoHo world, I felt I would offer my own personal response to all these things.

Now, the psychologist in me looks at my initial reaction (yeah, I can analyze myself too) and realizes that I don't like to be thought of as young, inexperienced, or immature. But the fact is that in many ways I am. And I can accept that. But I also feel that I have my own unique viewpoint to offer the world. And the process of getting these things out has done wonderful things for me.

But I also cannot ignore the understanding that comes when I look from my "ancestral bloggers'" point of view. Many of them have already trodden the path I am now on. They have studied and researched and and soul-searched. They have fought their own battles, internally as well as in the world around them. And now they are finally at peace with everything. They have come to the conclusions they needed, conclusions that I, to some degree or another, am still working toward. And now, as veterans of their own personal wars, they want to hang up their battle armor and simply enjoy life. Looking at others' battles, or going back to continue fighting, just doesn't make as much sense. Not to mention it's exhausting.

That is one point on which I am beginning to be able to relate with my elder bloggers. I'm starting to get tired of the conflict, the anxiety, and the pressure. I look at people who are on the further end of this path, people like the wonderful married couple that I met at the MoHo party Friday night, and I envy them. They've reached a state of peace. Of joy. They've reached that place of contentment and satisfaction where they can enjoy the rewards of their efforts.

It reminds me of the song "Into the West" from the Lord of the Rings.

Of course there are more battles to fight. But those battles are not within themselves. And so the hardest part is done.

This need to move on is natural, and it is necessary for all of us at one point. And so to all of those who find themselves at this point, I find no criticism in your desires and choices.

And I want to extend a massive thank you to all of those people who have sent their stories into the cloud so that people like me could find them, and by reading the record of others, find our own way. Your blogs are vital to people like me and all the countless others who will find your long-ended blogs in the future.

I cannot help but feel a tinge of longing as I think of where they are. I have made incredible progress in the last year, and have finally reached the "acceptance" phase of my grieving period. But I still have much to do in terms of settling into this new stage, as well as creating the life that this new phase opens up to me. And that will take time and effort.

But there are battles to be fought. There are others out there, hidden and searching for answers. So as long as there is space in the cloud for my words, I will continue to write them.

But as I go on I look forward to that day when I can lay down my own blog, finally complete and at rest.


Horizon said...

It was great meeting you and I look forward to what you have to share.

I remember my first MoHo party and the sense of normalcy I finally felt in my life. In terms of blogging, I first used it as a vehicle to discover my own true thoughts and feelings. I need to pick it back up as my time allows because I too have been greatly affected by other people's blogs, including interestingly enough, yours already.

I heard "Into the West" on my mission. I had the unfortunate timing of seeing the first two LOTR movies in person and then had an almost three year wait for the third. A lover of soundtrack music (thankfully that my mission president allowed) I got a hold of this one and was moved by these words:

Lay down
Your sweet and weary head
Night is falling
You've come to journey's end
Sleep now
And dream of the ones who came before
They are calling
From across the distant shore

Why do you weep?
What are these tears upon your face?
Soon you will see
All of your fears will pass away
Safe in my arms
You're only sleeping

I was going through so much internally, and though I knew it was written for a few weary movie characters, the multiple meanings of those words struck me and I listened to the song on repeat until my companion almost went crazy.

It talks of generations, of peace, of journeys taken, lives lived and does so in a memorizing melody. Lest I sound too evangelistic for this particular song, I realize that it is a simplified view emotionally driven.

But at that time in my life when I was struggling internally to find that joy you speak of, it mattered a great deal especially after hours and hours of the only other two MOTAB CDs in the apartment.

Life is for living. And we can journey through in the darkness on our own or collectively in the light. I choose to see the light, to be positive and upbeat, helping other along the way and accepting help as I need it.

What can you see on the horizon?

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