It's really late. I should be sleeping. But there's a lot on my mind, and the music of the russian singer that I just downloaded is making me really nostalgic. Maybe that's the wrong word. But regardless, I want to write. But unfortunately for those who have read past posts that have started out this way and actually become something, I really don't think this one is going to materialize much. Haha! I guess we'll see.
We interrupt this regularly scheduled blog to bring you a glimpse into next week's ground-breaking release of Lady Gaga's Born This Way. Listen to this and tell me you aren't excited. But be warned, it may cause squeals of unrestrained glee.
Anyway, where was I? Yes. Ramblings. Aaaaaand we're off!
Today has been long. Life tends to be that way. It doesn't help that I did almost nothing today. And stagnation will make one miserable faster than anything else.
I am really tired of the fight. Mainly, the fight that I'm trying to resolve within myself, that almost gets completed, and then someone or something has to step back in and remind me that I'm an abomination and that God and all Mormons hate me. They'll claim that they don't until they're blue in the face, but the fact remains that until they're ready to listen to me, setting aside all thoughts and suggestions of what I'm "supposed" to do, then they don't love me.
And until someone can suggest a complete and relevant suggestion for me, something that I can actually build a happy life on, then I will discuss nothing about the moral relevance of my orientation with them. We get it. You don't like that we're gay. We understand, you have a problem with it. It makes you uncomfortable. We get it! So stop trying to tell us, and actually offer a solution! If you don't have one, then mind your own business!
I obviously need to talk some of this crap out, because there is some defensiveness and anger here. I don't get to see my new therapist this week, so I may have to set up an appointment with my Facebook therapist. You know who you are. ;)
Anyway, on a lighter note, my boyfriend and I had lunch yesterday with a married couple in Salt Lake, and it was such a great day. Lunch was amazing, the company was fantastic, and to be able to actually be a couple around other people felt incredible. We spent several hours just talking. It was great, and I am already itching to go back. Provo just gets smaller and smaller every day. And when there are such great people up north, it's hard not to want to be with them.
Wow. I cannot stop playing that blip of Gaga's new song! I can't wait!!!!
As I wrote the last line my boyfriend sent me a text that said "check your email." When I did, I found an autotuned recording of him singing "I love you, Goodnight!" How cute is that? What a sweet boy I found. :) I think I'll keep him.
Anyway, I'd better get to bed. May the new week dawn brightly for us all, and may the wait to Gaga's new release be swift and painless! ;)