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Thursday, February 3, 2011

Another Random Collage: Double Standards and a New Therapist

Today's post is probably going to be just as disjointed as all the others I've written lately, but oh, well. It's my blog, and I can do what I want. :)

In Gender class today we finally touched the sensitive issues, and my, people had a lot to say. We discussed hermaphrodites, transsexuals transvestites, and homosexuals. It seemed somewhat ironic to me that the students were more accepting of hermaphrodites and even transsexuals than they were of homosexuals. The only thing that makes sense to me is that because of all the press in the last few years being gay is the absolute evil.

But my professor asked, "If your son or daughter came and told you they were gay, would you throw them out of the house, use 'tough love' on them?" Everyone said they wouldn't. One comment was made about the difference between the attraction and the behavior. The pompous guy that said that made the point that if his son was acting on it, then he wouldn't allow the boy in his house. I officially knew that I needed to say something.

I raised my hand and made the point that first of all, this is a very personal issue, and not being accepting is the last thing people need. Also, they've struggled with these things for a long time, and they've already asked themselves all the questions, and they've already guilted themselves enough. Acceptance is the only way to respond.

I then made the point that it is a double standard to say you'd throw your son out if he acted on his attraction, because if your son had sex with a girl they'd never throw him out. But for some reason if he has sex with a boy, it's okay? It's very hypocritical.

My professor then took that and asked "Is it a sin to have an erotic thought about someone?" The class said yes. (I could comment on that position alone, but I won't do that here.) Then she asked "So when you've been making out with someone you haven't had any erotic thoughts at all? How many of you have erotically made out?" We knew she had us there. She then pointed her finger at us and said "You're all sinners!" We had a good laugh at that. Of course it's not evil to have an erotic thought, especially while making out.

Then she brought in the big guns "Is it a sin for gays to kiss?" The class said yes, no question. "So it's not a sin for you to erotically make out, but just one kiss for gays is a sin?" They didn't say anything. "I want you to think about this for next time: Shouldn't the standards for gay people be the same as for straight people? I want you to be the 'devil's advocate' on this one. Think about it from the other side."

Next time will definitely be interesting.

But people just can't wrap their heads around this. My professor, who is from Japan, said she went back and homosexuality isn't an issue at all. A girl in the class who served a mission in South Korea said that people there asked her why America was so obsessed with homosexuality. It's not a big deal for them.

My professor made the point that the predominant religion over in the east is Buddhism, and that the Christian culture here really makes a difference. If only we could be as christian as the Buddhists.

Anyway, now that my rant on the ignorance of the culture here is over, I can move on to my next point of order. Due to financial issues I stopped seeing my old therapist and started going to a therapist on campus.

Yesterday was my first meeting, and I was a bit nervous about it. We sat down, and she asked me to just go over a few things that brought me in. She did a very good job on being kind and accepting, and I felt comfortable with her relatively quickly. I told her my story, and she was very sympathetic.

I got up to the present day, and she asked if I was dating anyone. I told her I had been in a relationship for over a year. I talked to her about what my relationship and my boyfriend have done for me, about how he saved me, and how he isn't just a pair of arms, but he's my best friend. He's my companion.

My therapist smiled and said that it warmed her heart that I could say that. She said "You have no idea how many people come through here, trying to figure out what to do about being gay, or if they even are gay, and they go out and they get lost in the mess of everything. For you to be able to say that he is your companion means so much."

I'll admit, I expected tolerance, but I didn't expect that. She basically told me she was glad I had my boyfriend. Cool. :)

We finished by talking about my views on religion, and the honor code. I talked about how the honor code expects everyone to be perfect right now, rather than allowing them to be in the process of becoming a better person. I believe that there are so many people here that need help, but they don't seek it, because the honor code has no tolerance.

An interesting note: actually, it turns out that as of this year, BYU has removed the term "advocacy" from its homosexuality section of the honor code. Advocacy is now no longer grounds for being kicked out of BYU. That's pretty big. Now, you have to be gay and kiss a boy, and then you're out. But at least you can say that you want to kiss a boy! Hahaha!

So the therapy was very good, and it was definitely needed. I can't wait until my next session. It's definitely been way too long!

Anyway, that's pretty much it for today. This post was more of a journal than an inspirational thought, but hey, that's why I started the thing to begin with!


Joe Conflict said...

Please tell me that you have a guarantee of confidentiality with this therapist... just like a doctor?

Ty said...

Oh, absolutely. I even received a notice from them that said they are legally and ethically bound to maintain confidentiality.

apronkid said...

I love the on campus therapists. I've never had a bad experience with them :)

I'm cautiously excited about this whole Honor Code change. I hope it's progress!

Ty said...

I know. I don't expect them to let us date and hold hands on campus anytime soon, but it may just mean that the time is coming to have our stories told.

And that is really cool.

A Gay Mormon Boy said...

Your experiences with this professor are really striking. I've taken note of her thought-provoking questions for future conversation. Please continue sharing your experiences from that class.

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