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Monday, December 13, 2010

An Anniversary

I realize that I haven't been on here for a while. I'm planning to redo the whole look and purpose behind this thing and make it something that I'll add to more actively. I also realize that I haven't put much down in terms of my personal story, which was a major point in creating this blog. But that will come. I want to write tonight, because it's a special night, and I want to remember it.

Despite daily living below the radar, just over a year ago I was talking online with people like me. I was suffocating, trying to bury or fix this part of myself, and I needed to talk to someone. And I found people. All kinds of people. And it helped. But there was one boy in particular that I really connected with. Talking with him felt almost familiar. And it was a year ago tonight that I met him in person for the first time.

A year has passed, and hardly a day has gone by that I haven't spent part of it with him. I look back and I can see how much I've changed, how much happier I am, how much stronger I am. And I owe it to him. When we first met, I was naive and insecure. And now I can look in the mirror and like the person I see, for all his good qualities and gifts. I've learned to love myself, and in the process, come to love that boy.

Tonight, my boyfriend and I celebrate a year together. We didn't do anything special. In fact, most of the evening we just laid together, our arms wrapped around one another. But as I looked into those eyes that I have looked into for a year now, I felt a connection unlike what I've felt before. Maybe it's been there for a while, and I just haven't seen it. But tonight I saw it. Tonight, with him, I felt home. I felt family. And maybe the world isn't quite the way I'd like it to be, and maybe it's not going to change anytime soon. But that's okay. Because I have somewhere to go. I have someone to run to. And I have a future. Something I couldn't see a year and a day ago.

And so, tonight, I'm grateful. For the wonderful man that was brought into my life, and who has made all the difference.


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