Black Notebook #1

So, this semester I bought a small black notebook for my classes. In the end it became a place I stored my thoughts and creativity rather than a place for notes. But it has been a very good thing for me to have.

I want to start recording some of the things I wrote here on my blog. I'm just going to go chronologically through the book, a couple entries every pot. So here's black notebook blog post #1.

1.

Where are you?
I search your face but can't find you.
Where once was surety,
now is weariness.
I wait,
nervous that your legs will fail you.
You were once strong and certain,
experienced and in control.
But now your grip is weak in my hand.
Did your strength leave you,
or did I fall in love with a dream?

Who am I?
I search my soul
and come up with fragments over and over.
I barely understand the things I find.
Are they even real?
Or are they remnants of a lonely mind?
I lay my heart out time and time again,
straining to decipher its beat
and find what it truly needs.
Is doubt to be found everywhere?
Why does satisfaction elude me?

Where have you gone?
Have you abandoned us all?
Why have you left us this way?
It seems with age you recoil from us,
or perhaps we simply see that you
were never really here.
That you are a myth.
I've lived the doctrine that goodness
hastens your arrival,
yet it seems you are too apprehensive
to leave divine hand.
Help us.
Save us.
Bring us peace.

Open my eyes.
Grant me view of my own heart.
Relieve the pain of uncertainty.
Set our feet on solid ground,
and send us elusive satisfaction.